Paging Dr. Awesome McAwesomesauce (or How to not be a Dick)

Several of you have heard the back story about how I love my medical team...except for my neurologist...who was a Dick from the moment I met him. Allow me to elaborate...

Reminder: I had not seen Dr. Dick after my 1st seizure because the E.R. doctor and my general physician treated it like it was no big deal. Apparently that's common. 
1 seizure =  NBD, 2 seizures =  BD  <--- I sincerely hope that you never have to know this little formula. When I had my 2nd seizure, I was scared shitless that something is REALLY wrong with me.We made appointment right away with a neurologist.

Scene 1: Doctor's Office Examination Room
Dr. Dick (whisks his way into the examination room with both a laptop and an ipad): I'm going to be recording this, if you don't mind. Places ipad on examination table, already recording.
I didn't really mind, but now I wonder how he would have responded if I said "no, I'd rather this not be recorded."
Doctor: (looking at his notes on his laptop) So, explain to me in more detail about what brings you in here.
Me: (starts to explain the events since August 10th, the date of my first seizure)
Doctor: (cuts me off in the middle of practically every sentence while still not making eye contact with me. Waves his arm in front of of him like if he could just erase me from the picture, then this would all go so much smoother)

The one point that I remember him looking in my eyes was when he said:
Doctor: How much do you drink? And don't lie!

I can't even believe that this picture exists! So perfect!!!

Now, I don't know how much you know about me, but those that are close to me, know that this is what is called a "hot button" for me. Don't EVER accuse me of lying. I sometimes refer to myself as "pathologically honest". I hate surprise parties. I hadn't even entertained the idea of lying to the doctor about anything.  And what did I have to lie about? We own a winery. Yes, we drink wine -  nightly. I wrote on the freaking form we filled out before the appointment.

But it was out there, now. He thought I was a fucking alcoholic, and I'm having seizures because of "Alcohol Withdrawal Syndrome". What!?!?!

So, I googled that shit when I got home, and it didn't make sense. Yes, Steven and I are professional drinkers (errr. ...winery owners), but we had no problem anytime with going for days without alcohol. I never drank during the day - except for (hello!!!) Vegas. And certainly not on workdays!!! But 'cause I'm a type A personality, and I'm gonna do everything the doctors tell me to do - even the Dickish ones -  I stopped drinking. And guess what? I had another seizure two weeks later.  The E.R. doctor said, "hmmmm...That doesn't make much sense, does it?" Ya' think?!?!?!

Dr. Dick had looked up the most likely reason for my seizures and connected the dots. He really never listened to my story - because he kept cutting me off, plus he probably thought I was lying!!! And he came to the wrong conclusion.
Oh, to his credit, he did order an EEG and MRI (scheduled for 3 weeks away) because he saw something "vague" on my CAT scan film from my E.R. visit.  That's really the way he put it. "Something vague". Because the BEST way to deliver news like that is to be as ambiguous as possible. And by "BEST", I mean, the most "DICKISH" way.

Now, this is the time in the  story, kiddies, that some of you will be gnashing your teeth, and shouting "Sue his ass!" and other unflattering things. And I get that. But I have been assured by numerous respected doctors since then that 1) the tumor was so small and in such a hidden place that it wouldn't really be visible on a CAT scan (except as a really "vague" shadow, which he did see) and 2) Who the hell knows if another neurologist would have been more Johnny-on-the-Spot in this situation? And as far as I know, it's not illegal to be a DICK.

It's water under the bridge. I have other fish to fry. Big, Big Fish.
The real priority was getting another neurologist that I trusted. And so we come to the happy part of my story...Hey, I'm not promising you unicorns and rainbow, but this is good stuff.

Okay...ONE unicorn, but only because you said "please":

You're welcome.

 So, fast forward to my appointment Wednesday at UCSF. GAWD, it's hard to get an appointment with a neurologist! We met Dr. Awesome McAwesomesauce.  
note: I'll be referring to him as Dr. Awesomesauce from now on to save space. I will have to be careful to NOT refer to him that way to his face because it will be awkward for him.

Scene 2: Dr. Awesomesauce enters the examination room, shakes Steven & my hands and sits down.
Doctor: (looks me directly, earnestly in the eyes) I'm sorry that you are going through all this.
Me: (Trying not to cry in gratitude.) Thank you... <throat clenches up>

I know it is probably part of the training that medical staff get because I've heard this statement numerous times from my oncologist, radiologist, nurses, technicians...

I'm sorry that you are going through all this.

So,....WTF?!?! Was Dr. Dick sick for that lesson??? It's such a simple phrase but it means a lot.

Dr. McAwesomesauce went on to look me in the eye during the entire appointment  - unless he was showing us something on his computer.

Not actually Dr. McAwesomesauce. I'm pandering...

He showed us all kinds of cool pictures of the brain with cross-sections and stuff, and talked about where my seizures were most likely coming from and where my tumor cells are. And you know what he said?

Dr. McAwesomesauce: You could find this yourselves online. Just google that shit.

Okay, he didn't say "that shit". I added that. See! I cannot tell a lie.

Steven asked a million questions..which made him even cuter than when he shaved his head and became a Bald Hotty. Some questions, Dr. McAwesomesauce couldn't answer because...he is smart and competent and cool and everything, but unfortunately he doesn't have a crystal ball...or unicorns...or rainbows....

But he did say that I might actually be able to drive again! What???
My Audi A3...

My preciousssss........

You see, California law states that you can't drive if you have a seizure condition that affects your consciousness or impairs your right side (because it might interfere with the gas pedal/braking), but my seizures don't affect my consciousness and are very specifically localized on my left side of the face. Sometimes I even talk right through them - being careful of tongue, of course. And he would be very comfortable with writing me a letter to the DMV (when the time comes) stating that I am, indeed, perfectly capable of driving. Woot! And that, my friends, is better than any rainbow or unicorn.

There was some heavy news, too. I think I had already processed this, but Steven hadn't realized that I will (probably) have to deal with seizures for the rest of my life. The hope is that we can eventually wean me off of some of the medications, but that is likely to be a part of our new life.

But it's not the seizures that I'm focused on. It's the LIFE part of it.

So, I hope you have found this post helpful in some regard. Please pass it along to anyone that you know who is in training to be in the medical field.  Or have them skip to the Cliff Notes. I know how busy they are, memorizing bones and arteries and stuff.

Cliff Notes: "If you want to be a Dr. Awesome McAwesomesauce instead of a Dr. Dick"
1) Make eye contact with your patients.
2) Show empathy.
3) Listen...no, really LISTEN to what they are telling you.
4) Don't jump to conclusions.

Caveat - My brother pointed this out, and I think he's right. if you're House. I mean, brilliant beyond brilliant and always get the diagnosis right, then you have a FREE PASS to be a dick. The problem with this is that I think that an awfully lot of doctors imagine that they are House.
And they're not.

P.S. If you have any choice in what kind of doctor to be, the choice is simple:

I'm not going to be responsible for an argument about Who is the best Dr. Who, so I leave you with Tardis.