The One in Which I (Loosely) Explain Ninja Warriors and Why I Think I'm Eligible

Thanksgiving Day is nearly upon us, and I know many people are writing with excitement about the upcoming debauchery celebrations of gratitude. I'm going to buck the trend right now because:
1) In 3 more days, I'll surrounded by some of my closest people in the whole world, and if I start thinking about right now, I'll probably cry for 96 hours straight. And I know there'll be enough tears between us all on Thursday to end the drought in CA. (Hey, somebody get on that! I came up with a brilliant plan to end the drought!)

and

2) I woke up with something else on my mind, and that's how these blog posts originate.  It's a very complicated process. You see...I think about something, and I think about it some more, and then I start writing.

(Hint: It's not complicated at all.)

Lately, I've been thinking about Ninja Warriors. For some reason, I zeroed in on that image early on in my cancer fight and have stuck with it, but truth be told....I really didn't know very much about them!  And as a self-professed history geek, that's not acceptable. Who were the original Ninja Warriors, and does it even make sense to call myself a MFBCFNW?

Okay,  just to clarify, I'm talking straight up Ninja Warriors - not Ninja Turtles or Power Rangers or any of the other video game/comic NOT REAL characters out there. (Not that there's anything wrong with that, but we're not talking about Comic-Con here.) And I don't even mean American Ninja Warriors...Although they are real and exceptionally badass.  Side note: If you are luddite and haven't seen this video clip of the first Female American Ninja Warrior to qualify for the National finals, you are REQUIRED to watch this video clip at some point. You can wait and come back to it, but trust me. She is a badass athlete!

I knew that Ninja Warriors were not Super Heroes. And I knew that they really had no Super Powers. (So, I was on the right track.) I did some research on real Ninja Warriors. There is a LOT that I'm leaving out....and forgive me if I get some facts not exactly right! #freepass! (Like I always say, "Google That Shit!" if you want to know more!)

But just a little backstory for you non-history geeks who aren't gonna google shit: References to Japanese Ninja Warriors date back a 1,000 years, although evidence suggests that they didn't officially start to train them until the ~15th century. The ninjas were real people, fighting real wars, but they were different from the samurai because samurai conducted themselves by a strict set of rules and standards of honor. Ninjas specialized in covert operations and mercenary tactics and general badass-ery. (That last word might not be a real word...but it should be.)

But I want to focus on a few things that make me feel like I am qualified to call myself - and anyone who has/is battling cancer - a Ninja Warrior.

• Ninja Warriors are stealthy. The legend persists that ninjas wore all black clothes including a black mask. But Ninjas would really wear whatever they had to in order to sneak up on their enemy. Actually, mostly they wore navy blue because it didn't contrast so starkly with moonlight. True story. Cancer patients also have to adapt their attire to prepare for their fight.

So, yoga pants and track jackets are a good choice.

Hospital gowns and bandanas are even sneakier.

It's important for the technicians to have easy access to whatever they need to administer your treatment. In my case, that means nothing obstructing my head or neck, so they can easily clip on the Mask of Horror. I don't, however, have to wear a gown, so yoga pants rock for me!

Those cancer cells would never expect you to be as BADASS as you really are in those outfits!

• Ninja Warriors did not always work alone. They were trained in carrying each other on their backs or creating a human wall to lift one up to greater heights. Cancer patients have a team of doctors, nurses, technicians, family, and friends fighting along with them. But now we're getting into Thursday's theme, and I don't want to start crying now. So, I'll leave it at this: In the Ninja Warrior world - NO ONE FIGHTS ALONE! 

• Ninja Warriors used a wide array of tools to reach their goals. While fighting cancer, whether it's chemotherapy, radiation, exercise, nutrition...cancer patients know we have things to help us reach our ultimate goal. Let's hear a: "Woot!" for modern medicine...and a return to common sense healthy habits like avoiding toxic chemicals in your home and food!

• In the movies, t.v. shows, and computer games, Ninja Warriors mostly rely on their physical strength. But in reality, Ninjas greatly valued another key to success: their mind.

Heishichiro Okuse — perhaps the foremost authority on ninjutsu and the author of four books — wrote his last work on the subject, Hidden Ninjutsu: The Secret Thoughts and Strategies of the Ninja. According to him, they regarded nothing as impossible and scientifically applied brain power to every problem they encountered. He regards the nonphysical aspects of ninjutsu as the key to a successful career.

I have taken to making paper ninja stars, which can't do much physical damage except if you throw one of them into someone's eye. (Kiddies, in case this is not clear: I'm specifically saying NOT to do that!) In that case, they would really hurt. OWIE! My ninja stars represent things and people that I rely on to help me - even though they can not physically be there at the moment.

They're a mental reminder of all that I have around & within me,
and I hold them close to my heart during all my radiation treatments.

I guess I first believed I needed to be a Ninja Warrior because Brain Cancer is the scariest, most formidable, ...and (#nobullshit here) deadliest enemy that I have ever faced. And I have no choice. I can't turn and run the opposite direction, and it will just go away. I can't go to my "Happy Place", and all will be restored to normal (although a nap is a beautiful thing). Steven and I are making decisions that are life or death. And it's scary as hell. We have to believe that nothing is impossible and scientifically apply our brain power to every problem we encounter.

The only way to defeat it is to go through the pain, through the fear. Failure is a possible outcome, but quitting is not an option. I have to be a BADASS. I might not look like it in my yoga pants and track jacket, with half my hair fallen out...but that's just part of my stealthy master Ninja Warrior plan. And there is not evidence (that I could find on the interwebs) that Ninja Warriors never got grumpy and/or cried.

And that my friends, is why I believe Cancer Patients & Survivors have earned the right to call themselves Mother Fuckin* Ninja Warriors. 

*MF is totally optional because some of you have boundaries about cursing that are different than mine. And that's totally fuckin' okay! #freepass #nofilter <fist bump!>

Love, 

June Xoxoxo