The One in Which I Explain the Importance of my Ninja Stars

So, I had this high school friend, Pamela H....the kind of friend with whom you exchanged notes throughout the day in high school, passing in the hallway. (Kiddies, this was an archaic custom that happened before cell phones and texting...I KNOW! How we suffered!). We were are such geeks, that I highly doubt that anyone else's notes were filled with the same kind of socio-political commentary that ours had. (We were 17 years old! Jeebus!)

I went off to college in D.C. to study political science (go figure!) , and then my parents moved far away from our hometown, so I lost contact with pretty much all of my high school friends throughout the following years. Until Facebook happened. Suddenly, I was able to reconnect with so many of my hometown friends - and just in time for our <mumble,mumble> reunion! What a great time, reconnecting In Real Life with these people!

How is it that the one picture I have of Pamela at the reunion, she is not facing the camera??? Oy!

I look at this picture now and see so many faces that have reached out to me in the last 3 months and filled me with so much support and love and encouragement...Just give me a minute...
<grabbing some tissues>  Big Hugs & Smooches to all of you! You have no idea how much you have helped me through this challenging time.

But I digress...Shocking, I know. I usually am so good at staying on point and being succinct...
<snortle!> Hey, give me credit because: 1) I always have a point and 2) I eventually get there!

Pamela lives in New York State now in a place that sounds like Shakespeare lived there at one time - which totally makes sense because she has always been wicked smart and had a love of literature. I mean, she studied Latin in H.S. - on purpose! And she's a librarian! (Yes, kiddies, these still exist today in some locations! Google that Shit if you don't know what it is.) It was amazing at the reunion how quickly we slipped back into our conversations, like no time at passed at all. It was difficult to get into anything deep (see picture above for evidence), but I had heard that she was going through her own Ninja Warrior Caregiver Superhero experience back then...

So, I guess it shouldn't have been a surprise to me at all that a package arrived from her "Shakespeare-town" not long after I went public about my diagnosis. It was filled with thoughtful, lovely treasures to amuse and comfort me, including this:

A handy camo tote bag, filled with little ninja stars to remind me that I had permission to FEEL many things on this journey. In fact, it was a given.

What she didn't know at the time was that she had sparked an idea within me: 1) I could learn to make ninja stars myself. Any self-respecting Ninja Warrior should know their way around their tools and improvise as required, right? and 2) These could be a physical manifestation of not just my feelings, but my hopes and inspiration and strength...

And that's how the idea was born to make my own Ninja Stars. Okay...so, now what?

Step One: Go on the Interwebs and search youtube for a tutorial on making Ninja Stars. (It probably doesn't surprise the kiddies out there that I had many choices.) I chose a simple, straight-forward one that seemed to have a lot of views already. I'm a visual learner, and this worked for me.

Step Two: Experiment with different paper to find the ones that work for you. Cardstock was too thick for me; construction paper was a little too flimsy. The best for me is the already square scrapbooking paper, but I didn't discover this until late in the game...

Step Three: Go for it!

I started making ninja stars before every radiation treatment. I wrote inspirational words or notes to reflect my mood at the time. Steven suggested about 2/3 of the way through that I date them as a record of what I was feeling, but it was too late. And besides, I have this blog if I ever need to look back for that, right?

Then I made ninja stars for all of the radiation technicians and nurses who I saw ever day with a note telling them how grateful I was for their compassion and care, and reminding them that they were Superheroes, too! It got to be a routine: they would ask me what I had on my ninja star that day, and I would clutch it across my chest while strapped into The Mask, pinned against the table, and being zappity-zapped.

Part of my collection - I keep finding them in pockets and purses...

They have been such a source of comfort and strength and focus for me. And now that my initial treatment is done, I guess I'm a little addicted. I started making ninja stars for others - my Carson School Family and my Steven Kent Family... These say, "Live Laugh Love". It's a simple message, but when it comes down to it, it's pretty simple.

I wish that for all of you  - 

not just during this holiday season, but every day.

"Living Out Loud"

I have had several people comment that they admire me for "living out loud" with this blog. And I've been thinking about this a lot and what exactly they mean. Certainly, I have been cursing a little...okay, A LOT more,  but I have always been online, through Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, etc. and waaaaaaayyyyy back when, on AOL. (Kiddies, I don't have time to explain, so just google that shit.)

 I have always been an open book as far as that goes.

And I find it fascinating when people tell me that they would never share (fill in the blank) ________ online. That's their "private life". Now, bank account information and other sensitive documents? I'm with you. But if you are living a life of which you are proud, why would you care who sees it?

Years ago, before I went back to school to get my teaching credential, I taught lessons in the computer lab at my kids' elementary school. Yes, kiddies, there was the internet back then, too! Only it was not so cool. Or fast. But everyone could definitely get online and google some shit and find out about things lickety-split (ish). 

I used to tell them, "Don't post anything online that you wouldn't want printed on the front page of the New York Times". And I still think that this is excellent advice. Of course, your personal business isn't likely to be printed on the front page of the NYT unless you have done some really awesome shit or really fucked up shit (I'd aim for the awesome, personally. But that's just me)... But the point is: if someone wants to know you're business, they are going to find out. The genie is out of the bottle, and you are not stuffing her back in, no matter how the sweet and plush the purple chaise lounge is.
[Anyone over the age of, say, 45-50 knows what I'm talking about! For the rest of you young'uns:]

I Dream of Jeannie's SWEET "crib in a bottle". Don't pretend that you wouldn't want to hang out in there.

Maybe your real question isn't "why would you care who sees it", but rather: "why would you want people to see it?" Ahhhh....Let's see if I can explain...

Through the years, I've connected with some kick ass groups of people who saw me through my happiest and most challenging times. My first real online connection was with a group of Stay-at-Home Moms (SAHMs) that began as a message board on AOL! (with dialup! I swear!) and eventually an email loop of lovely women who were in many ways the people that kept me sane when I had four children under the age of 8. I "met" them the year that I was pregnant with Sara. That would be '93 since she was born in '94 (Although her i.d. says something different. See! I told you nothing is a secret online!)

When I first started running, I stumbled upon three online communities: Dead Runners Society, Penguins and CVRT. They talked me through my first races, spurred me on to P.R.'s, and eventually convinced me that I could run marathons! In fact, I ran some of those races with some of those people.

The Penguin Runners Inaugural World Conference in Chicago

There's no law that says you can't meet people In Real Life (IRL) that you meet first on the internet. Although I wouldn't recommend it if you met them on, say, a website like: "SingleMuscularGuysonSteroidsWhoJustWantToMeetandPretendthatTheyAreKillingYou.net".
Then?
Not so much.
But if you AVOID sketchy websites like that - and have a modicum of common sense -  the internet can be a lovely place to meet like-minded people.

It really touched my heart when I began to rediscover high school friends on Facebook that I hadn't seen in years. If you still live in the town where you went to school - bully for you! But most of us don't. And my parents actually moved away from my "hometown", so I haven't even been to visit it in at least 10+ years. I live ~3,000 miles away from my high school.

The Awesomest Prom Table EVER in the history of time. (Except we're missing Peggy & her date)

What I didn't know is that these very, very real people that I mostly "visit" on Facebook and Twitter and Instagram and Pinterest, were going to be such a big support system for me during this -  my most challenging time of my life. June's Warriors? That was started by one of my online SAHM friends. My Online Running Group? I plan to join them in the annual trek to Frostbite Falls in January 2015. We are supposed to do 100 miles in the month, but we can arrive at the Falls on January 45th or even 83rd. I don't know how long it will take me. But I'm sure they will be there to high five me and give me virtual hot chocolate when I get there.

And my H.S. friends? I'm reminded day in and day out what an extraordinary group of people they were are. And I lament the fact that we can't go out right now and paint on some high school walls...put on our combat boots and come up with some lyrics and choreography for my new musical about the Ninja Warrior Outlier.

Facebook, as much as I trash talk it, has helped me stay connected with family and friends - IRL and  SAHM's and Runner-types across thousands of miles. No, It's not the same as a letter or a phone call. I make the analogy that it's like it would be if you lived in the same town, and you could run into each other every day or two at the grocery store or farmers' market. There's not the urgency to "catch up". You share simple pleasantries, and small complaints, and pictures of your kids...at the time that is convenient for you. Which is important for me when my family lives in an entirely different time zone.

I cry every day - Bad Ass Ninja Tears (BANTs)...for a lot of reasons. But yesterday, on my walk with Steven, I cried because I am so overwhelmed by the love and support that I have surrounding me. There are so many lovely, kind-hearted, fucking awesome people in this world. and I'm a honored to know them.

I'm sure in one my next blogs, I'll talk about the kick ass people I have nearby (IRL), who have also been lovely and kind-hearted, and fucking awesome. But I wanted to be sure and acknowledge those of you are so far away and still manage to make me feel like you are right there, lifting me up when I am at my lowest. I feel your support, hope, prayers, love - even if it's through the "interwebs".

So, kiddies, don't be afraid to "live out loud"...just avoid the sketchy websites and remember that everything you say/do is being recorded in on way or another anyway. So, try to say/do things that (most of the time) makes your proud.

P.S. Chuck wanted a place where you could just "like" a post rather than having to post a comment, so I added the little response boxes at the bottom. Let me know if you want me to add additional descriptors. Because the internet is the bomb-diggity, so I can do that for you!
Xoxoxo