The One in Which I Try to Go from Highly Dickish to at Least a little Zen-Like

Two things you can be sure of when reading my blog:

1) I'm going to use some swear words

2) I'm not going to give you any bullshit.

I'm pretty sure that when they resected that brain tumor, they also resected the filter between my brain and my mouth.  Maybe that's why I am having a little trouble with my speech? Must be. #nofilter

Anyway, with that being said...I'm going to begin this blog by sounding like a DICK. Let's say: at least kind of dick-ish, but (hopefully) by the end, I will fall closer to the zen-like side in your eyes. I've given you a handy "Very Scientifical Dick-ish Scale" to follow along and rate me as you read:

Okay....<deep breath> So, here's the dick-ish part: (Remember, #nofilter)

I have at least three friends on Facebook who are obviously going through a break-up with their significant other. And I've found myself reading their status updates and saying, "Really??? Really???" followed by the snarky comment (in my head) that we use around the house nowadays:
"It ain't brain cancer."

But yesterday, while I was getting ready for my doctors' appointments (I had three: blood work at lab, visit with oncologist, and normal radiation treatment), I was contemplating how....well...dick-
ish that was of me.

I mean, I know these people are going through some real pain. Getting your heart broken really hurts. Unfortunately, I have first hand knowledge of that, too. <cough> The College Boyfriend <cough> In the moment, it really, really sucks. Professionals have compared it to a death and charted the phases that you go through in the same way: 1) Denial-Isolation, 2) Anger, 3)Bargaining, 4) Depression, and finally, 5) Acceptance.

I'm guessing from what I'm reading on FB from these particular people that they're in the depression phase. At least they're out and talking about it. They've acknowledged that it's over. They are really, really sad about it. And their feelings are completely legitimate. So, how dick-ish am I being to minimize it or question the validity or compare to my own situation?!

In fact, I went one step further...(this is where I hope I start to slip back on the Very Scientifical Dick-ish Scale more to zen-like)...

I started to think that the situation I am in, RIGHT NOW, is definitely better than they are. Yes, even with brain cancer. Ouch! Hear me out, hear me out! Before you push the arrow way back up to full dick-ish.

In the present, I have a beautiful life. I have very little to be sad or depressed about RIGHT NOW.
I have my Schmoopy/Bald Hotty by my side - physically, emotionally, spiritually - in every way.
I have four amazing kids (plus a couple more by law/love) that make me proud, not because of what they DO, but who they ARE.
I have countless other loving, supportive family and friends all over the world who are thinking about me and wishing the best for me....<a thousand, million, gazillion kisses and hugs for you all!!!!>

And let's just talk about yesterday, shall we?
My blood work came back perfectly fine (and the phlebotomist was so gentle, I didn't feel a thing)!
My radiation treatment was okay, but I got to listen to a sweet playlist while it was going on. It included "Manic Monday" by the Bangles.  And who can listen to that and feel sad?
I had a dream last night that I had lost half of my hair - which might happen sometime soon - but guess what? I have a full head of curls right now. BONUS!

So, I got to thinking...maybe my life is some else's .... dream life? )Minus the brain cancer. or at least we would need to make sure that this was in very small print.)

My brain cancer doesn't define me. It's not my whole life. It's just part of my life. Okay, the suckiest part... but if we could crunch those numbers in a very complicated algorithm, the sum = DREAM LIFE.

This is not a really complicated algorithm, but I thought you could use some levity about now.

No matter who you are, what you're going through right now - whether it is a painful breakup, or unemployment, or an ailment/disability, there are probably people right now in the world that are thinking that YOU have their dream life, too.

Focus for a moment on what you have in your dream life:
Cute and loving dogs/cats/birds...? (Oh, damn it! I forgot my dogs! Good thing they can't read. Sweet little morons!)
A view nearby of a sunset or sunrise or mountains or valleys or a babbling brook or <sigh> an ocean?
I'm guessing your are relatively able-bodied because you can type on the keyboard of your computer?Unless you have some awesome, highly-technical voice recognition shit like Stephen Hawking - and that's something that some one would LOVE to have.

It could be big or small - like a delicious cup of coffee at just the right temperature or how warmderful (June/Greg's new word!) your bed feels when you first wake up.

I know it's hard to think like that now, and it sounds trite, but just spend a little time today thinking about what you DO have instead of what you don't have.

And I want to share with you something that Allison Amon shared with me - because it's beautiful. and poignant. and it's a reminder that a dream life is NOT the same thing as a perfect life.

Ring the bells that still can ring 

Forget your perfect offering 

There is a crack in everything 

That's how the light gets in.

Leonard Cohen, Anthem (youtube)

Oh, and I forgot something really, really simple, but so true... (Kiddies, do you remember when I taught you about this one earlier?)

Whoever you are that is going through whatever pain today,

I'm very sorry that you are going through all this.

June Xoxoxo

P.S. How did I do on the "Very Scientifical Dick-ish Scale" in the end?

P.P.S. I know that Scientifical isn't a real word.