Marriage & Parenthood

Steven couldn't sleep and came back to bed just now. It was 4:44. It happens to us.
Yes, not being able to sleep well. That happens to everyone. But what I meant was...we'll look at the clock, and it'll say 4:44.

That was when April Marie was born.
4:44 p.m. May 1, 1987.

Some of you have heard this story, but many of you have not. But all of you bear with me, because I'm going somewhere with this... it's not just a "birth story". Although birth stories are nice - or there wouldn't be so many reality shows about them. But do you ever notice how people feel compelled to tell you their worst, most painful birth stories when you're pregnant? Especially when you are close to your due date?  What it is it with that? Be warned, April, because it is coming.

Because some people are just stupid. That is all. Sorry.

But April's birth story is different. Because her Daddy was not there when she was born. In fact, Steven and I weren't even dating when that happened. Actually, I dated Steven's best friend all four years of college.<gasps!>  And Steven was "the third wheel" sometimes - the boyfriend's best friend who would frequently join us to see movies or grab a drink. But I didn't mind, I always had a crush on him, but the timing wasn't right when he made his move (see previous post about his attempt at a first kiss). And so life happens that way sometimes.

We graduated in May 1986, and Steven went back to California for a break before he started graduate school at NYU. I toured around Europe for six weeks over the summer - two of which
The College Boyfriend joined me. A kick-ass graduation gift from my parents! (Thank you, Mom & Dad!) I brought home a lot of memories and then settled in D.C. to figure out what I was going to do with my B.A. in International Affairs. hmmmm.... I had a Peace Corps volunteer application partially filled out on my dresser when I found out I was pregnant. I guess I brought more than memories home from that trip...

[FAST FORWARD NINE MONTHS - blah blah blah - and No, April, I won't tell you my labor and deliver story! This time. haha!]

The College Boyfriend "opted out". and by that I mean he checked the box where he had to take NO responsibility for "said baby". (Kiddies, I like to leave you with lessons in my posts, so I just want you to know that there is no box like that anywhere, and I could have went ninja on his ass for child support payments.)  But I just wanted to move on. It was complicated.  And my parents, like they always do, stepped up and supported me. Because one of the things that you learn in our family is that Family is Family. I gradually started to get back on my feet.

Chillin' with Baby April, summer of '87

 And who should waltz back into my life but...Steven. Because it was time to start his graduate program at NYU. Now disentangled from The College Boyfriend and still crushing on Steven, I started to go to up NYC to visit him. Yes, often with April, who was all of 3-4 months old.


I remember one very poignant moment when we visited him, and he was so proud because he'd bought her this jean jacket...I mean, the tiniest, cutest jean jacket that you could ever imagine. There was some street fair or farmers market going on in The Village where he lived, and he wheeled her in the stroller with that jean jacket on...without ever skipping a beat. It was so...natural...

When she could speak, she called him "Dee-shish", which was her closest approximation of "Steven". And then we decided to get married, and she started to call him Dad.  He is the only Dad she's ever known and we made it officially a couple years later. 

This is around Christmas 1989 when we were engaged, and Steven was now officially "Daddy".

I'm going to FAST FORWARD through a lot of stuff again, because April is 27 now, for goodness sakes! It would take eternity to list how many times Steven has stepped up, and proven himself as a husband and father. But I woke up thinking about this one. at 4:44.

Okay, Okay... I will just give you a little highlight because it is one of my favorite pictures:

April's Daddy walking her down the aisle at the winery, August 2013

One of my favorite movies of all-time is Parenthood (1989). Not the tv. show - the movie. Yes, the t.v. show is good, but the movie...It manages to wrap so many of the emotions: romance and turmoil, joy, anxiety, and anguish of marriage and parenting ...AND it has a happy ending. It's close to perfection. Be warned - it's PG-13, because as I recall, there is a lot of swearing in it. Oh, wait. You read my blog, so that clearly won't deter you.

I don't want to give it all away because ...GEEK (& NEWS ALERT): I think they might be playing it at the Vine in Livermore for Steven & Me on January 14th. or 13th. or 12th. Save the date(s)!!! and stay tuned for more info!

But there's this one scene where Julie is freaked out because she thinks her husband has seriously injured himself in a racing accident. She's protesting to her mother (Helen) that she doesn't want to go into the emergency vehicle.

Julie: I can't do this! This is too intense!
Helen: This is marriage! 

See, I told you I was going somewhere with this! It may take me some time to get there, but I get there eventually.  Did I mention that I have brain cancer? #freepass

No one tells you on your wedding day that there will be days "like that" (unless they're a dick), but you better be prepared to step up. Because there will be joy and romance, but there will be anxiety and turmoil, and I truly, truly, truly wish for all of you that there will the minimum of anguish. But that is part of life, after all, isn't it?