The One in Which I Describe My Amazing August...LIFE

In the last month, I've had four very special events - I was able to squeeze all that in because I had to have a root canal, and that pushed my chemo cycle back 2 weeks. So, let's all give a cheer for Root Canals! Hip-hip- ....haha! <silver lining, people!>

SKWinery BBQ -  Although, I just started working at the SK Winery last spring, they welcomed with me with open arms. They've been family to Steven for 18 years, and we have the good fortune to feel the love and support this year of this family. I hope someday, when I'm done with this chemo crap and my speech gets a little bit better, to rejoin the weekend crew in the tasting room. I'm sure they miss my singing in the tasting station between pours. <sarcastic tone> (You can blame my Mom & Dad for that one. Fremer Rule: Anytime something reminds you of a song, you must belt it out - or sing it under your breath when more appropriate. Catie has the same rule. Kindred Spirits! She even makes up her songs! I'm sorry you've had to go solo for the time being, but thank you for all your thoughts and prayers. <smooches!>)

Catie, my "singing partner", and loving part of our SK Winery Family in Patti's adorable BBQ Barn

Anyway, (that was some serious digression. #cancercard and TWO #freepasses) every year they have the staff summer BBQ. Last weekend, I was able to attend and be surrounded by our family winery. How lucky we are!

Hiking Trip - I wrote about this already (click here if you missed it), so I won't go into great detail about this. I'll just say that it's chock full of family and nostalgia and laughing and LOVE. (And that little bit about me falling on my tailbone. (Kiddos - Helpful tip: those little squishy neck pillows for flying? Work perfectly as tailbone donuts! See! even WITH brain cancer, I thought of that by myself! Imagine how clever I was before that bugger showed up*! j/k! <snortle!> )

Dad & his kiddos pretending we are just starting our hike. Psssst. Secret: We had already finished our hike.

Manresa State Beach - We have had a family tradition of camping at Manresa State Beach for about 4 days every summer. Yes, walk-in tent camping with a Coleman stove, campfires & s'mores, and sleeping bags, and card games by lantern light. The one "luxury" we allow ourselves are inflatable mattresses. I think there was a year when the girls didn't change clothes the whole time they were there - except for into bathing suits, of course. (A Girly-Girl just wouldn't understand the fun in that - We are not Girly-Girls.) Not everyone could come this time, and we missed you, April, Coffey, Autumn, and Katherine!!! The dogs, however, had a blast.

June, Aidan, and Sara on Manresa State Beach, August 2015 (A Girly-Girl would never wear that hat in public.)

This transition that our family is going through... It's natural when you have adult children, but it's really hitting me now because we've always had at least one child in the home with us. Our move to Livermore will mean that we have no children living with us anymore - the classic Empty Nest Syndrome. It's getting harder and harder to get all of us together at one time.  Steven and I took a page from my parents' book and decided that we'll continue to schedule Family Gatherings and cross our fingers that most of us can show up. If we wait until everyone's free, these gatherings become farther and farther apart. And our unofficial new designated Family Organizer, April, is doing a great job getting us together as much as possible. <Thank you, and I love you!>

Daou Winery- 
So, it was very special on Sunday to have all the children together, plus our granddaughter. Since Sara turned 21 in July, it's the first time that the whole family was able to taste wine together <eh hem> ... legally....in public. Katherine is still in Santa Barbara, so we were looking for a place to meet halfway. The ALMOST-GENIUS-IF-IT-WEREN'T-FOR-HER-BRAIN-CANCER (*see above) came up with the idea of meeting at Daou. It's almost exactly midway between San Jose and Santa Barbara, and it's an amazing view of the hills of Paso Robles. They serve real food paired with wines, and our tasting room associate was lovely and patient. Warning: if you ever find yourself surrounded by the six Mirassous, plus son-in-love, Coffey and little Autumn...it can be ....shall we say: overwhelming - in a good way.... in the most amazing, loving, witty, and raucous way you can imagine. Sara's boyfriend, Matt, has already acclimated himself to the chaos, and Katherine's boyfriend survived, so he passed the first test. (hee hee) Sometimes, I just sit back and watch my children interact, yelling and laughing across the table, and I get actual goosebumps. And I look at Schmoopy, and I think "We made this." And now Autumn has added a whole 'nother layer. (Which April & Coffey made...just to clarify...) Magical.

The Whole Family! Look at that view!

Autumn loves Grandpa Steven! He makes her laugh! 

Grandma June tried to get baby Autumn to take a nap, but there was too much going on! The snuggles were good, though!

As we were driving home from Daou, I was playing it all through my mind as I looked out the window - and I got to thinking about all the wonderful memories from just ONE MONTH of my life. I thought, I hope no one is feeling sorry for me right now. Not every month is like this one was, but this is my LIFE. I feel sorry for people that have never experienced the flood of love and laughter that fills my life. It may be cut short, and that will be sad if it happens, but please don't feel sorry for me. I am having the most magical, amazing, lucky life one can imagine. And I SEE IT. I FEEL IT. I GET IT. I'm not missing anything right now. As I've said before, some times we have to adapt - Life is constantly changing for everyone. But that doesn't take the MAGIC away.

I SEE IT. I FEEL IT. I GET IT.

The One in Which I Talk About Thanksgiving 2014, Family, and a Tiny, Little Bit About What Comes Next

Thanksgiving weekend is nearly over, and it was everything I thought it would be and more. Emotional, Comforting, Inspiring, Exhausting...

It was the same recipe in some respects as every other year: WINE, FOOD, FAMILY & FRIENDS!

WINE: Oh, did it mention the wine? We own a winery, after all. I mean, our Thanksgiving is always AT the winery!  So, many of the guests enjoyed a glass ....or three or more....of some very good stuff.

But since I'm a total teetotaler these days, the most I can do is smell the wines.

Side bar: Sorry, but I had to google that shit and find out why people are called teetotalers. I thought it was TEAtotaler because they mostly only drink tea (which is true in my case), but it's actually TEEtotaler, and involved a stuttering Englishman who promoted abstinence (not to be confused with absinthe) in the 1800's.

I read it on the interwebs, so it must be true....Bon Appetit Article

FOOD: There was sooooo much food! And I'm sure it was delicious! We do a potluck every year so we get a smattering of everyone''s favorite Thanksgiving dishes. But with the chemo/radiation and the mix of other medications that I take, let's just say, "food is not really my thang".  P.S. This is NOT a weight loss plan that I would endorse. You don't even have to bother reading the fine print.

FAMILY & FRIENDS: We pared down our guest list considerably because Thanksgiving landed at the end of my 4th week of treatments, and we really had no idea what I would be "up to".  But there was no question that Thanksgiving at the Winery was happening. It's Steven's favorite day of the year. And what's better than getting together with the ones you love? (Hey, you! Mr. Literal! That was a rhetorical question.)

We're missing Eric Coffey in this picture, but we'll fix it later with a little photoshopping.

We had the ole' familiar gang plus some family that came from far away especially this year. I am really, really not being bitter or cynical at all. I sincerely mean that. I was so happy to have everyone there!

But there is nothing like a potentially fatal disease to change people's holiday plans. I am so early in the diagnosis and treatment process that there is a whiff of, "Maybe she won't be alive next year," mixed in with aromas of turkey and sweet potatoes. I guess it would be stupid not to think of that at least a little.  I have let those thoughts float through my head as well - and right back out.

I have two things to say about that:
1) Anyone of us might be gone by Thanksgiving 2015. (Thank you for your uplifting insight, Captain Obvious!)
2) I look at things through my own specific lens. I do most things with purpose, and before I do them, I think:

It is productive?
What is your desired outcome? Will what you are doing now help you get there?

[FYI - This isn't some new thing that I've developed after my diagnosis. This has been my approach to life for a very, very long time. I would even dare to say that this is a "defining characteristic" for me.]

So, I ask myself, "It is productive to think/dwell on the fact that I might not be here next year?" What is my desired outcome? To live a fucking long time. Like decades. Another half century would be really good! Does focusing on the fact that I might die far sooner than that help me in my desired outcome? No, in fact, I would argue that it is extremely counter-productive. 

So, I spent my time this Thanksgiving enjoying the place and the people and the moments. It was a gorgeous autumn day in the Bay Area. ~70 degrees and sunny. Groups spent a lot of time out on the patio drinking wine, eating cheese, and admiring the foliage on the vines.  Some people congregated in the kitchen as the finishing touches were put on dishes. And we all gathered in the barrel room for the feast and had the traditional go-around-the-table-and-say-what-we're-thankful-for tradition. (We are aware of how much the younger generation hates this, but make them do it anyway. Either because we're cruel, or someday they might thank us. I'll let you decide. Often they have the most insightful things to say anyway.)

I insisted on going first, bucking tradition, because I was afraid I was going to forget what I wanted to say (#chemobrain). Of course, I wanted to express my gratitude to all my family and friends, near and far, who have supported us through this shitty, shitty time. If you weren't there, here is a recap: I said, "THANK YOU!"

But I also wanted to specifically address my children publicly. I talk about Schmoopy AKA the Bald Hottie a lot, but I don't talk about my kids very often on this blog. Not because I don't think about them ALL THE TIME, but my feelings are so raw and deep. And I know that they are so strong in front of me to not add to my stress/burden, but this is a shitty, shitty time for them, too. I know that.

I don't know how we ended up lined up like this - clearly, it's not in height order because I'm the shortest by far...

I am so grateful to have them in my lives. But I am also extremely grateful that they have each other in their lives. I have never seen a sibling group that was so supportive and loving and strong. I asked them if they have a name for their group. "Mirassou Siblings" doesn't do them justice. Then again, they aren't nearly as hokey as their Mother Fuckin' Brain Cancer Fighting Ninja Warrior (#mfbcfnw) mom. Whatever! They need a hashtag at least, though, right?And I am so grateful that I had the good sense to pick a man for their father who is the rock that we cling to right now. Although shaving his head has made him slipperier.

P.S. You will undoubtedly see a shift in my blog focus as I finish this chemo/radiation treatment cycle. (2 weeks to go! Woot!!) I am starting to think about the "after initial treatment" part of my life. I'm actively thinking about the "Now what?" and making plans. Which is a big ball of Excitement and Anxiety rolled up in a ball we call LIFE. Stay Tuned!