The One in Which I Go Full Baldy and Still Feel Like Merida from Brave

Shall we go in the Way Back Machine...just kidding...about a month ago, when I decided to get my hair cut "short"? (See post if you've forgotten/missed that one.) If you remember, I was specifically told that I wasn't going to lose all my hair from the chemo I was taking, BUT I would lose "patches" of hair due to the radiation treatments.

So, rather than shave my whole head, I decided to cut it short and just see what "patchy" really meant. In my case, "patchy" meant I lost almost all of my hair from the crown on down to my ear on the right side of my head. There were not going to be any comb-over techniques to hide this one. I still had basically a normal amount of wavy, curly hair from ear level to the nape of my neck. So, if wore a hat, there was the illusion that I wasn't Full Baldy. But without a hat, it was just a hot mess.

Also, I signed an actual paper that said I understood that there are no guarantees that lost hair will ever grow back again...so, it was time to jump in the deep water of:

1. shaving my head
2. getting a wig (or two)

So, naturally, I went to a professional....

Schmoopy AKA #myrock shaved his head weeks ago in solidarity.

Now, he's obsessed and thinks it's "too long" if more than two days have gone by between shavings. Love you, Schmoopy!!! #baldhottie. As a result of all his recent experience, I entrusted him to shave my head. We have no pictures because I was trying to avoid the mirror during the actual "act", and it looked really messy anyway. Like, there was HAIR EVERYWHERE!

First, he had to scissor cut the considerable amount of hair that I still had on my head. Then he had to do that actual shaving. When I first looked at it, I thought he didn't know what he was doing - there were still dark patches and totally bald patches...abut then he explained to me that the BALD-BALD was from the radiation - when the hair literally falls out, and you've got NADA on your scalp (except redness and dry skin from the irritation).  The dark patches were stubble from my hair that was actually still there. So, the Natalie Portman stubble thing was not to be.

Natalie Portman famously shaved her head for V for Vendetta. I definitely need to learn how to do the smokey eye thing...

In case you're wondering: I would have to razor shave my whole head in order to get an even look - and I've been told that is not the way to go. (Owie! and a major commitment to keep it up)  I was thinking about doing a chalk drawing of a globe or something, but that would only be for special occasions, of course.

Steven, Me, and my brother, John - Baldies Unite!

But first let's put some hats on! Brrrrrrrr!!!!

The bald thing really isn't a big deal. Let's face it. That is NOT one of my 99 problems.  It's all about adaptation. The single biggest thing I've noticed is that my head is cold! How do men do it??? They just get used to it?? My (obvious) solution: Hats, hats, and more hats!

I got a couple sleep caps which are super soft and warm at night. And a skull cap like thingy so I can wear basically any hat and not have it chafe my scalp - which is getting tender due to being to close to the end of my treatment. I have also ordered a wig that I will have in about a week. I don't want to reveal that just yet, but let's just say it is NOT this:

I ran the Princess Half Marathon in 2013 dressed as Merida. Not too many women dressed as Brave. I found this guy at the start, though. 

Although Merida's hair didn't inspire me with my wig choice this time, she's been very much on my mind during the last few days of baldiness. Because her hair was spectacular (in the movie), and she is a such a badass.

I've just finished up week 5 (of 6) of my initial treatment. These last 7 treatments are called "boosts" where, in addition to the normal routine, they spend some time really focused on a specific area of the tumor cells.  I had been trying to avoid steroids as much as possible (because of the unpleasant side effects) but they are amazingly effective at minimizing swelling of the brain tissue. I started taking them last week because I realized that I was having some headaches and my speech was being affected/slowing down. I guess the "boosts" are causing more swelling because Doctor Rad (the radiologist) has upped my dosage for the last week. This will help with the headaches and speech, but probably make me look a bald chipmunk!

I created a playlist from Brave's soundtrack to play during my treatment yesterday, and visualized this scene from the movie when this song came on. Ultimately, Merida learned in that movie that she didn't have total control over what happened in her life, but she could remain true to herself, face adversity proudly, and do the right thing.

We can't control everything, but we can control our reaction to it.

Merida hair gone, but a half-marathon medal around my neck!

The One in Which Ninja Grasshopper's Hair Starts to Fall Out - #hairisjusthair

I shared an experience the other day on the way in to the doctor's office. The oncologist is on the 2nd floor of the medical building, and Steven and I opted to take the stairs rather than the elevator. A woman coming down the stairs, wearing a chemo head wrap, remarked as she passed us, "We've got to take the stairs as long as we can, right?" I replied, "That's right!" And I felt an instant connection with her. 

Damn right! Because we are Ninja WARRIORS!

But today I felt like I had reached a new milestone in my Ninja Warrior training. While showering and washing my hair, I noticed a lot of strands between my fingers as I passed my hands through to rinse the shampoo. Now, I have a lot of hair, so that's not that unusual. Steven can attest to how much hair he regularly pulls out of the drain. (On second thought, scratch that.. It's gross and you don't need that visual). But as I continued to rinse my hair, more and more strands were entwined in my fingers. I wasn't freaked out or sad. Really just fascinated. I knew it was coming. My chemo doesn't make all of my hair fall out, but the radiation will cause (is causing) patches of my hair to fall out. I was warned multiple times, so it was no surprise. It was just an acknowledgement that, "Yes, Grasshopper. This is happening."

...but still has much to learn about hair loss due to cancer treatment.

Which eventually lead me to think, 'How much more of this is going to happen?" Will I be wearing a chemo wrap like my Warrior sister in the stairwell? Or is it something I could cover up with one of those cute head wraps my daughters loving picked out for me right after my surgery so I could go out in public without scaring people with my gnarly wound?

They say that, with the chemo I'm taking, that the hair loss is contained to where the radiation is actually zapping your head, but since I keep my eyes closed the entire time, I'm not really sure where that is. I mean, are we talking, like, a bad haircut from Super Cuts? (#freepass - you can't sue me, so neener neener neener!)

 Side Note: OMG! You have to google image that shit: "Bad Haircuts from Super Cuts"!

I may possibly burn in hell for posting this,..

So, is that what I have to look forward to? Is it more like one of those mangy dogs that they shave after rescuing it on Hope for Paws? Those videos are so sweet, but man, those dogs look pathetic in the beginning.

I'm going to stop right now to say; I hope you realize that I not really thinking long and hard about this. Hair is just fucking hair. To be honest, this is the stupid shit that I think about sometimes so I don't get overwhelmed by the Big Picture.

Because the Big Picture can very, very overwhelming.

Lately, I've been thinking about how many Ninja Warriors there are out there - and how I always say that the power in numbers. I just found out today that another one of my friends, one of my teacher mentors, found out she has cancer. Time to WARRIOR UP and get shit done, my sister-friend. We need to go ninja on some serious cancer ass.
 #cancerisourbitch #motherfuckincancerfightingninjawarriors #noonefightsalone!

I'm so sorry that you're going through this shit!
Love,  June Xoxoxo

P.S. But first...search on google images for "Bad haircuts at Supercuts'...

The Incredibly Long Post in Which I Tell you About My Haircut - and possibly other things

My treatment officially start tomorrow. I have a "simulation session" today - which sounds like fun...like when pilots get to fly fake planes, but they are in no real danger of crashing?

I think it might not be so fun for me. But hey, if it's good enough for Scully, it's definitely good enough for my radiology technicians!

In preparation for the start of treatment, I had a few things on my to do list;
1) Get a flu shot. Done! (Please get this done! It doesn't just help you. It helps everyone around you whose health might be compromised.)
2) Eat as healthy as possible. Done! (Who knew that kale, carrots, ginger, and celery, etc. could taste so good in liquid form? Thank you again, Mom & Dad, for the awesome ninja juice juicer!)
3 ) Walk every day to be in kick-ass, ninja condition for the battle ahead. Done! (Oh, and thank you, Steven, for letting me hold your hand every day on our walks. It's mostly 'cause I love you, but also because my anti-seizure meds make me a little uncoordinated, and I'd hate to fall down and crack my head open on the concrete. Would that actually be ironic? I don't know. Damn you, Alanis Morisette! You've left us so confused!)

I had one thing left to do yesterday...

4) Get a shorter haircut. Because a) I'm going to lose patches of my hair from the radiation and I thought it would make the transition less traumatic. Besides, I may be able to do an elaborate comb-over. (The rest you are laughing, but there are men of "a certain age" that are nodding right along with me, thinking this is a GREAT idea!) and b) Dealing with the sheer amount of weight I had on my head was ridiculous. I still get a smile on my face thinking about whoever it was that had to deal with my hair going into my surgery. Don't get me wrong. I don't remember one iota of it.

But I woke up like this:

 

Pay no attention to the expression in my eyes. I was still very loopy from the meds they had me on. Focus on the fountain of hair that was sticking out of the top of that bandage. And some poor sap was responsible for dealing with that??? Can you just picture that conversation?

Nurse 1: Hey, you! Uh...how are we going to get this bandage around Rapunzel's head to wrap this wound? 

Nurse 2: Oh, shit! Just wrap it up and let it stick out the top. Maybe she'll get a haircut after she sees how ridiculous she looks! 

 [I'm assuming it was nurses since we KNOW that no doctor has to make decisions about what to do with the hair that is in the way and such. ]

I take that back...because they didn't shave my whole side of the head. Which they could have. Someone carefully shaved a neat corridor just along the incision line. And it's hardly noticeable with the poofball that is my hair. Now, that I think about it, that was probably nurses, too. So, give it up for the nurses at Good Sam Hospital! 

When I made the decision to get the haircut, I solicited recommendations on Facebook, and I got a great number of leads for a potential stylist who could deal with my tender head and my gnarly wound from the surgery. Only fucking Facebook sucks, and I had to spend at least one hour trying to find the fucking status update with all the comments that I POSTED in order to retrieve the information. Seriously. Facebook fails at life. I'm seriously considering telling Facebook to suck it and going with twitter (So, follow me on twitter if you like that sort of thing!)

And...we're back! Haircut...recommendations...I remember what i was saying...

I decided to go with Jennifer at All About Me Kids Salon. No, I'm not a kid...but it is all about me after all, isn't it? Rachael (Lavezzo) Sims Snedecor... recommended her and assured me that she had tons of experience with cancer patients. As it turns out, she cuts hair for a lot of autistic kids, so...if you're looking for a kind, gentle, otherworldly empathetic person to do some hair...look no further. And she does a fair number of adults, too. I was disappointed that I didn't sit in the race car, but I got over it quickly.

First, we took care of the snip-snip to cut off the 10" pony tail to donate to Locks of Love. It doesn't look like 10", but my hair is so curly!!!  Some kid with alopecia is going to score the jackpot! Not only is this hair curly, but it was once worn by a certified Kick-Ass Ninja Warrior! Hello?!?!

Then, Jennifer went to town cutting my hair. I had shown her some pictures of what I wanted, and she nailed it! and while she cut my hair, she was sooooo sweet and genuine and put me completely at ease. As chance would have it, her father has just finished his own radiation treatment for a head tumor. Only his was right behind his eye, so (if your squeemish, you might want to skip the next few sentences) in addition to the "mask of horror/torture" that I have got to wear, he also had to slide a metal plate under his eyelid...every fucking time. 

So, you won't hear me complaining about the mask because as the old cliche goes, "It could always be worse!" Shit. That just gets to me. A fucking metal plate on his eye. 

Fast forward and Jennifer has finished, and there were hugs and I'm convinced that she is something not of the earth. I can't thank you enough, Jennifer, for your generous spirit and time. 

All that I can do is this: when someone asks me, "Where did you get that cute, sassy haircut?" I can say, "Jennifer at All About Me Kids Salon!"

Just take a moment to scroll up to the post-surgery, drugged out version of me and compare to this last picture. This nothing short of miracle, no?