The One in Which I Unveil the GBM Warrior Weight Loss Plan!

Warning: The following blog post is for entertainment purposes. You might not find it entertaining - You may even think it's tasteless and insensitive , but if you don't get the Ninja Warrior's sense of humor by now - STFU! Obviously , this is in no way meant as real medical advice and results will vary. DUH! So, don't even try to sue my ass.

For the low, low price of FREE (you get what you paid for!) , we're offering you the:

GBM weight loss secret!*

You've heard and seen the results...at least from me. I've lost over 30 lbs. in the last seven months. Now, I'm revealing my secret...

Step One: (I'm not gonna lie to you. This is the hardest part!) You have to somehow get a glioblastoma multiforme malignant cancerous tumor in your brain. This may sound extreme, but are you serious about losing weight? Come on! The problem is...that this tumor is impossible to buy (I'm assuming...I haven't checked craigs list - you never know...) and completely random. You could try the suggestions below WITHOUT the GBM tumor, but you really need to be committed  - like, pretend you have the tumor. Hey, "Fake until you make it" Isn't that what they say? If you aren't lucky enough to have a GBM, you can skip to Step Five.

Step Two: At first, if you have, indeed, been diagnosed with GBM, you will have a reflexive desire to FREAK OUT and cry and wail on the shoulders of your best friends. Fortunately, presumably freaking out has some calorie burning qualities. You could probably "Google that Shit'...
Okay, I just did and there are plenty of hits on that one. FYI - if you're counting crying as your main method of burning calories/cardio, you might want to rethink your strategy. I have REAL brain cancer, and if you are pretending you have brain cancer to try lose weight...and I'm walking about 3 miles a day (non-chemo week) ...get off your ass and do some real exercise! If you have a fitbit, you can compete with me - Do you wanna have your ass kicked by a person with brain cancer? Think about it. So, connect with me on fitbit. Email: junemirassou@gmail(dot)com

Motivate yourself to MOVE with me!

Step Three: You get this cool, stylish hard plastic face-covering to wear - if your doctor recommends radiation treatment. There is one hour during the day where it would be impossible to eat anything worthwhile because the holes for the mask are far too small, plus your mouth is covered. You will burn some calories FREAKING OUT again the first few times at least, until you get used to being pinned to a metal table while they do their zappity-zap radiation treatment. Disclaimer: Sometimes, they prescribe steroids to help with the inflammation of the brain, and that actually stimulates the appetite, so you may not start seeing results until your initial treatment is complete.

Fess Parker Hat not included.

Step Four: This is when the real weight loss kicks in - chemotherapy. During the initial treatment, the dosage of chemo, isn't too bad - but it will definitely destroys your appetite when the dosages get larger. The tummy is sensitive - and often food tastes weird anyway. Again, only the LUCKY people with actual GBM tumors have access to this powerful poison medicine and BONUS! appetite suppressant .

OH, Mr. Gnome! What happened to you? Maybe it's because he's a bobble head?

And it arrives in the mail in this cool plastic bag with yellow Hazard text all over it. Imagine the fun you can have with recycling these bags for pranks after the medicine is gone! (The possibilities are endless!)

Step Five: After the FREAK OUT (see Step 2), start to research (Google that Shit!) "anti-cancer foods" and "cancer fighting diet". There are some controversies regarding this - but there are some principles that are widely regarded as "common sense" healing/healthy food.

So, like I said: You get what you pay for! [Kiddos: I am in the middle of creating a separate page with some REAL resources that might helpful, but I feel like a smartass today, so you get what you get!]

Love,
June Xoxoxo #mfbcfnw

P.S. I'm under a doctor's care and trying to maintain a healthy weight to maximize my body's ability to heal and be healthy. This is a JOKE! This is not supposed to be real medical advice.

*There is probably some cost involved, but the amount you owe is entirely dependent on your insurance. Thanks, Obama!

The One in May When I Increase Your Awareness

Unless you don't follow me at all on Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram, you know that May is Brain Cancer/Tumor Awareness Month, I'm wearing Gray in May to raise awareness.

I tried to post a picture every day wearing gray on IG/Twitter, and FB, but I was stuck in bed for a couple of my chemo days. But I'm back!

I looked up on wikipedia about May and "Awareness Month"...and guess what? Brain Tumors and Brain Cancer aren't even there!  (They do include Zombie Awareness Month, though, so there's that...And apparently it's Aisha's birthday. Happy Birthday, Aisha!)
According to wikipedia.com, May is:
ALS Awareness Month (United States)[16]
Asian Pacific American Heritage Month[7]
Asthma Awareness Month[17]
Borderline Personality Disorder Awareness Month
Celiac Awareness Month
Aisha Santamaria Birthday <--- ???? (Kiddies, this is why teachers don't let you use wikipedia as a source for research papers)
Mental Health Awareness Month
Haitian Heritage Month
Hepatitis Awareness Month[18]
Jewish American Heritage Month[7]
Lupus Awareness Month[19]
Motorcycle Awareness Month[20]
National Bike Month
National Guide Dog Month (2008, 2009)
National Mobility Awareness Month
Zombie Awareness Month [21][22]
National Foster Care Month
Scandinavian American Heritage Month
National Skin Cancer Awareness Month

That's quite a crowded field, so I'm going to stick with what I know, even if wikipedia is totally lame. Trust me. May is Brain Cancer/Tumor Awareness Month.

Remember a couple posts back, I promised to talk about Brain Cancer & Brain Tumors? Did you think they were the same thing? Not necessarily. Read on!   There are an awful lot of awareness/knowledge out there of the experience of cancer. You or someone you know has/had it. And I'm so sorry for that. Today, I want to focus in Brain Tumor/Cancer Awareness for a minute. So, you can pretty much bet that this isn't going to laugh riot blog entry. Sorry! Today, I'm putting on my teacher hat to spread some Awareness about why Gray Matters!

I know I didn't have a clue about Brain Cancer or Tumors until there was one discovered in my own noggin'! So, I'm guessing you aren't too aware about it...I know I told you NOT to "Google that Shit" months ago...but we (Steven & I) have a responsibility as caregiver/patient to know what cutting edge and alternative/integrative treatments are available out there and the right things to do to prolong my life as much as possible. I have one more chemo cycle in June (assuming that my blood work looks good), and then we have some decisions to make.

So, we don't have any choice anymore about researching the facts. Knowledge is Power. I'm going to share a little bit of what I learned. You, however, have a choice! If you'd rather live in blissful ignorance (and I'm not judging you if you do), just close this window right now, and you're all good.

First of all, there is no known cause directly linked to brain cancer/tumors. Which sucks in some ways because I can't give some magic advice to help you avoid it. (Caveat: There is pretty substantial evidence that seems to link obesity and/or living a sedentary lifestyle to all cancers:  - but you already knew that, right?) Other than that, it's so random!

Something that definitely surprised me is that the majority (63%) of brain tumors are 'benign'. (We are talking "primary tumors" started in the brain instead of migrating from cancer somewhere else in the body.) We usually associate the word benign with not cancerous and therefore not harmful. (Okay, I used to do that, anyway...) And malignant as bad/cancerous, but....FYI: Even if a brain tumor isn't cancerous, mutated cells should not be up in there, taking up space in your cranium, and pressing on that precious organ: your brain - especially if they're growing quickly or in a space that's impossible to get at without injuring healthy brain tissue..  So, they, too, can be deadly. Even if they're not deadly, they mess around with the brain - ya' know the part of you that let's you breath and walk and talk and all kinds or important stuff ...damage to that can cause physical and/or cognitive deficits

I wanted to clarify that because there are a lot of people with "benign" brain are misunderstood Warriors. They can be a VERY BIG DEAL!

No doubt about it, though: Brain Cancer can be very deadly. This is the stuff that I just wasn't ready to look at 7 months ago. I knew if was bad - Hey, I ain't called The Outlier for 'nothin'! But does it matter what the statistics say? It's just numbers. So, let's just take a deep breath and look it over really quickly (or you can be a big sissy and scroll down and shut your eyes during the chart).

My cancer is a glioblastoma multiforme or GBM. (Why do I want to sing "The cheese stands alone..." after looking at that chart? Oh, yea. 'Cause I have a sick, twisted sense of humor.

Pause. Take a deep breath. Take another deep breath. Repeat five times with me:

FEAR IS FAKE. LIVE NOW.

Moving on...(If you need to take a few more minutes, just catch up when you're done breathing and chanting.) 

Or if you still need to cheer up,  play this a few times:

Back to some knowledge:
In actuality, there are 120+ different kinds of brain tumors! And they can grow in so many different locations in the brain. Plus, in the statistics, we're all different ages, and many patients have additional challenging, health issues (high blood pressure, etc) That makes it tricky to compare one person's experience with another.

Some call Brain Cancer an "orphan disease". If 138,000 people are living with a malignant brain tumor, and the U.S. population according to the census.gov is 320,899,806 ...(using my fifth grader teacher math - <eh hem> and my calculator on my smartphone), that's 0.043% of the population. So, I'm glad there's been some attention given to it recently. Some genius with some a lot of grant money will eventually figure out this puzzle, and survival rates will rise as they have with breast cancer and leukemia.

It can be is confusing with a highly hyped 60 minutes segment, a Time magazine cover, and GBM poster child, Cheryl Broyle's on the Steve Harvey show recently. (<---NO! I don't watch that show! I saw a promo! Phew! Reputation intact!) throwing all kinds of information at you which might pertain to a small segment the people with brain cancer/tumors. I think that many of my friends and family believe that we are going to plug into one of these clinical trials and ride off into the sunset, cancer-free. That's not how it works.

Here are some links if you want to research the subject more:
National Brain Tumor Society
American Brain Tumor Association
American Cancer Society

That's just a start. If you have any "hidden gems", please share them in the comments.

Who knows? Someone reading this right now might find the CURE.

Love, June Xoxoxo #mfncfnw <3

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P.S. Just a little helpful hint:  I've noticed that sometimes people say things like, "I have such a bad headache. I must have brain cancer..." <---- I don't find that funny. Not even a little bit. I know they're just being thoughtless, but think about the next time you think about using it. k? Thanks!

The One in Which I Tell You How Beautiful You Are

If you have been following my blog, you know that Steven and I went on a river cruise down the Seine in the beginning of April. I've left out a little detail that I've been wanting to write about, and now seems like the time.

I met a woman about my age the first day of the cruise - traveling alone and just gotten off another 14 day cruise! Her name was "Candy", and she had a little, spikey pixie cut in platinum blond. She socialized with the other passengers, but seemed very comfortable to be sitting alone, too. In fact, she often sat in the lounge area, alone, listening to the musical entertainment and...knitting. But knitting with a yarn/material that I'd never seen before. It was more like trim in a lovely wine colored string with metallic edging.

Wear Gray for May - Brain Cancer Awareness Month, Day 11 - American Brain Tumor Association

I remember I told you that I didn't bring a wig at all for this cruise - wanted to be bald and proud! - but I was cold most of the time, so I often had a hat on, even inside. <----probably one of the most annoying day-to-day side effects of cancer and/or my meds...It doesn't help that I have hardly any hair on my head!) I don't know if Candy thought I was embarrassed by my baldness, but one of the first days she came up to me, held my hands in hers, looked me in the eyes with the most intense, earnest look and declared, "You are beautiful. Don't ever forget you are beautiful."  I stammered, "Thank you." of course, but I was caught off guard. I think she may have thought my brain cancer had really affected my speech. We hugged, and she was off again to be her unique Candy self. Where ever you are Candy, you rock!

Candy and I sat together in the lounge sometimes during the cruise- especially when Steven was doing his wine presentations. (She really like the wine! lol!) I never asked her any probing questions. like why she was traveling alone or if she had experience with cancer...I figured if she wanted me to know, she would volunteer the information. I wonder still today about her adorable pixie hair cut - Was that a decision that came after a battle with cancer like me?

The day before the cruise was ending, she came up on me unexpectedly again. She had her knitting in her hands - only she has transformed it into this:

I am wearing it in the picture above - with NO HAT, Candy! - but the lighting is better here.

She said, "This is for you. Only on one condition: you never wear a hat with it. I want it to remind you of how beautiful you are." Once again, I was speechless, but with tears in my eyes this time. I was overwhelmed by her thoughtful and kind gesture. I knew how many hours she had spent working on this scarf, and I was honored that she would give it to me. Yes, it was a beautiful scarf, but the real beauty was right there in front of me: Candy. A kind, selfless act from a practical stranger.

I've heard from other cancer warriors what this is one of the positive things about their affliction: that they discover how many beautiful people there are out there - (That's got to be one of the best parts of having brain cancer <---Can you imagine starting a sentence like that? 7 months ago,  I sure couldn't) - so many kind, selfless acts over the months since I've been diagnosed, I can't even begin to name them. I told Steven I wanted to send thank you notes to everyone that have lifted us up during this challenging time, but I was so out-of-it in the beginning, how do I go back that far and begin? I know I would forget some people and feel badly. He said I was ridiculous, and that nobody could expect us to do that.

But I want some way to convey the gratitude for every beautiful person out there (Kiddies, that means all of you!) , whether you sent me a card or an email or a squirrel or bracelet...or dropped by dinner in the early weeks (you have no idea how much that helped our family!). The donations to our Family Medical Fund and more recently the donations to our American Cancer Society, Relay for Life Team. Comments written on Facebook and here...and all the pictures of people Wearing Gray for May to increase awareness of Brain Tumors. Steven and I attended the Livermore Valley Wine Auction this weekend, and so many people came up to me to hug me and offer their prayers...(Phew! It's a good thing you can't see the tears rolling down my cheeks right now...)

Dinner at Wente with Super Schmoopy AKA the Bald Hottie at the Livermore Wine Auction

Believe me: every little gesture of support means so much to me and my family. This disease has unexpectedly opened my eyes to how many beautiful people there are in the world. What a gift. So, thank you, Candy, and all the other beautiful people out there. I would send a handwritten card to each and every one of you, but I'm playing the #cancercard right now. #freepass This is my handwritten card just for you.

Love, June Xoxoxo #mfbcfnw

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P.S. The only thing more beautiful than you is my granddaughter, Autumn Elizabeth. #sorrynotsorry

Autumn with "Mimi", the stuffed animal "Grandpa Steven" picked out for her in a little toy store in Paris.

P.P.S. FYI: We are already booked to do another river cruise in 2016 down the Rhone. Click on this link - Ama Waterways <---- if you are interested in joining us! If you don't know where the Rhone is, Google that Shit. Whoops, I almost made it through a whole blog post without cursing!

The One in Which I Want to Make a Difference

Warning: The following blog post contains language which is intended for Mature Audiences only.  (I would have to count how many F words I used to actually rate it R or PG-13, and "Ain't nobody got time for that!")  Discretion is advised.

This is a true story. Anyone that was a junior or senior at Hopewell Valley Central High School in Pennington, NJ in the early-80's will back me up on this if they were a witness. My memory is a little fuzzy on the detail, partly because of my age, partly because...ummmm...I have BRAIN CANCER. Hello?! (#freepass) But mostly because I'm really not sure what was going on that day. The best I can determine is that I was a witness to someone's psychological meltdown. So, some of the specifics might be inaccurate, but remember what my mom and dad told me: "Never let the truth get in the way of a good story." [P.S. Yes, that means that you should always be slightly suspicious about any stories they tell you.]

Back to the story:

I never realized before that our mascot looks kind of like a rabid dog, no?

When I was about 15 or so, the whole high school student body - actually, I think it might have been juniors/seniors -  were ushered into the auditorium because the principal...or ass't superintendent? (fuzzy, unnecessary details) ...was going to address us. So, we took our seats, and there's this man at the podium, wearing a suit, looking really serious, ready to speak. Only, when he started talking, he didn't make sense...except that it was clear that :1) He was having some kind of mental breakdown, and 2) He wasn't going to have his job after that day. He was rambling on about something or other...The part that I do remember quite clearly is that he said:

"25% of people are going to require psychiatric care sometime in their lives....Look to the left of you." (Everyone looked to the left.) "Look to the right of you." (Again, everyone reflexively looked to the right, albeit with a baffled expression on our faces.) "If it's not one of them, it's you." [Kiddos, I'm pretty sure his math was faulty... ] Shortly there after that, he was politely escorted off the stage by some school district personnel and I don't think I ever saw him again. I swear I'm not making this up! Who would make something like this up?

I was thinking about that experience recently as I was looking at cancer statistics this week. Not that mental breakdown part, but the odds of being afflicted with something.This is Brain Tumor Awareness Month, but as I said, Cancer is cancer is cancer. And everyone has been/is currently/or will be touched by cancer sometime in their lives. That's not some crazy rambling fact from a poor person having a very public mental breakdown. Honestly, I wish it were. That's some hard, cold facts. For example, if 1 in every 2 males will have cancer in their lifetime...Male readers: it could be YOU. or your father, or your brother, or your grandfather...but anyway you look at it,  you are going to be touched by the pain and anguish of dealing with this disease. All of you. Sooner or later.

Female readers: Apparently, we have a 1 in 3 chance in our lifetime of getting cancer.  I've already been "touched by cancer" in my family  - twice, actually. My maternal grandmother and her sister (my great-aunt) both died of cancer.

There's my Grandma Gobinski with most of her grandchildren. I think this may be the only time the plastic covers weren't on the sofa cushions.

 This fact is always written in my chart when I visit a new doctor. So, I'm thinking I've done my whole odds thing, right? But then when you include my good friends that have been diagnosed with cancer... my mother-in-law and father-in-law who are also Warriors (I'm not going to blab about the specifics because that's their stories to tell)...it seems like I've already reached...no, FAR exceeded the statistical average... But then, son-of-a-bitch! I get diagnosed with brain cancer? [It's just like me to be afflicted with the weirdo, pretty rare kind of cancer. Always gotta be "different", huh, June? j/k] 

Seriously, though. Don't we all think, deep in our hearts and minds that someone else in our lives has already fulfilled our statistics? "It's not gonna be ME!" I've talked to other people who have been diagnosed with cancer, and it's very common to have that thought early on in the process: "Why ME?!?!" But the real question is, "Why NOT ME?" Unless you have some super, special force field around your body to prevent it , I hate to break the news to you, but...you are not safe. I'm a Mother Fucking Ninja Warrior, for fuck's sake! I thought I was safe. No, that's not exactly true. The truth is (...it sounds moronic to say now) but I didn't think about it at all. And I can say with absolute certainty that the news was the most shocking, surreal thing that I've ever experienced. So, I say to you again, male or female: Anyway you look at it,  you are going to be touched by the pain and anguish of dealing with this disease. All of you. Sooner or later.

Well, that was bummer news, huh? But I have HOPE, and I know you do, too.  I believe that the collective intelligence and ingenuity of researchers working together around the world, we will eventually find a CURE for cancer. Selfishly, I'm hoping it comes sooner rather than later. These stable MRI's are great for right now, but I'd like to have the fucking cancer cells completely out of my body, FOREVER, at some point ....while I'm still alive. (In case I didn't make that clear enough.)

So, I've mentioned this already, but I wanted to dedicate a whole blog post to this. I am participating in a Relay for Life team. And it would be totally bitchin' if you could donate some money to the cause.  It's pretty simple. Just click on the link and follow the instructions.

 June's Wine Girl Ninjas' Relay for Life

You can donate to any of us on the team. And feel free to stop by and cheer us on!

Saturday, June 27-28, 2015

9:00AM to 9:00AM

Livermore High School

600 Maple St, Livermore

Oh, and pay no attention to whether I've "reached my goal" or not. We will have "reached our goal" when we don't have to think about the statistics any more because we've found a CURE. I'd love to see that happen in my lifetime, but if it doesn't work out that way, I will know that this Mother Fuckin' Brain Cancer Fighting Ninja Warrior did something to help because she has the most amazing Warriors standing beside her.

 No One Fights Alone!

Love,
June Xoxoxo
#mfbcfnw

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FYI - At some point soon, I will address the fact that May is Brain Tumor Awareness Month - and not all brain tumors are cancerous. Many are "benign" which is a misnomer in some ways because people can die - many do - from "benign"brain tumors.