The One in Which I Tell You How Beautiful You Are

If you have been following my blog, you know that Steven and I went on a river cruise down the Seine in the beginning of April. I've left out a little detail that I've been wanting to write about, and now seems like the time.

I met a woman about my age the first day of the cruise - traveling alone and just gotten off another 14 day cruise! Her name was "Candy", and she had a little, spikey pixie cut in platinum blond. She socialized with the other passengers, but seemed very comfortable to be sitting alone, too. In fact, she often sat in the lounge area, alone, listening to the musical entertainment and...knitting. But knitting with a yarn/material that I'd never seen before. It was more like trim in a lovely wine colored string with metallic edging.

Wear Gray for May - Brain Cancer Awareness Month, Day 11 - American Brain Tumor Association

I remember I told you that I didn't bring a wig at all for this cruise - wanted to be bald and proud! - but I was cold most of the time, so I often had a hat on, even inside. <----probably one of the most annoying day-to-day side effects of cancer and/or my meds...It doesn't help that I have hardly any hair on my head!) I don't know if Candy thought I was embarrassed by my baldness, but one of the first days she came up to me, held my hands in hers, looked me in the eyes with the most intense, earnest look and declared, "You are beautiful. Don't ever forget you are beautiful."  I stammered, "Thank you." of course, but I was caught off guard. I think she may have thought my brain cancer had really affected my speech. We hugged, and she was off again to be her unique Candy self. Where ever you are Candy, you rock!

Candy and I sat together in the lounge sometimes during the cruise- especially when Steven was doing his wine presentations. (She really like the wine! lol!) I never asked her any probing questions. like why she was traveling alone or if she had experience with cancer...I figured if she wanted me to know, she would volunteer the information. I wonder still today about her adorable pixie hair cut - Was that a decision that came after a battle with cancer like me?

The day before the cruise was ending, she came up on me unexpectedly again. She had her knitting in her hands - only she has transformed it into this:

I am wearing it in the picture above - with NO HAT, Candy! - but the lighting is better here.

She said, "This is for you. Only on one condition: you never wear a hat with it. I want it to remind you of how beautiful you are." Once again, I was speechless, but with tears in my eyes this time. I was overwhelmed by her thoughtful and kind gesture. I knew how many hours she had spent working on this scarf, and I was honored that she would give it to me. Yes, it was a beautiful scarf, but the real beauty was right there in front of me: Candy. A kind, selfless act from a practical stranger.

I've heard from other cancer warriors what this is one of the positive things about their affliction: that they discover how many beautiful people there are out there - (That's got to be one of the best parts of having brain cancer <---Can you imagine starting a sentence like that? 7 months ago,  I sure couldn't) - so many kind, selfless acts over the months since I've been diagnosed, I can't even begin to name them. I told Steven I wanted to send thank you notes to everyone that have lifted us up during this challenging time, but I was so out-of-it in the beginning, how do I go back that far and begin? I know I would forget some people and feel badly. He said I was ridiculous, and that nobody could expect us to do that.

But I want some way to convey the gratitude for every beautiful person out there (Kiddies, that means all of you!) , whether you sent me a card or an email or a squirrel or bracelet...or dropped by dinner in the early weeks (you have no idea how much that helped our family!). The donations to our Family Medical Fund and more recently the donations to our American Cancer Society, Relay for Life Team. Comments written on Facebook and here...and all the pictures of people Wearing Gray for May to increase awareness of Brain Tumors. Steven and I attended the Livermore Valley Wine Auction this weekend, and so many people came up to me to hug me and offer their prayers...(Phew! It's a good thing you can't see the tears rolling down my cheeks right now...)

Dinner at Wente with Super Schmoopy AKA the Bald Hottie at the Livermore Wine Auction

Believe me: every little gesture of support means so much to me and my family. This disease has unexpectedly opened my eyes to how many beautiful people there are in the world. What a gift. So, thank you, Candy, and all the other beautiful people out there. I would send a handwritten card to each and every one of you, but I'm playing the #cancercard right now. #freepass This is my handwritten card just for you.

Love, June Xoxoxo #mfbcfnw

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P.S. The only thing more beautiful than you is my granddaughter, Autumn Elizabeth. #sorrynotsorry

Autumn with "Mimi", the stuffed animal "Grandpa Steven" picked out for her in a little toy store in Paris.

P.P.S. FYI: We are already booked to do another river cruise in 2016 down the Rhone. Click on this link - Ama Waterways <---- if you are interested in joining us! If you don't know where the Rhone is, Google that Shit. Whoops, I almost made it through a whole blog post without cursing!

The One in Which I Explain Why I Curse So Much in my Blog

Warning: NSFW (Obvi)

Some of you may have noticed a teensy-eensy bit of swearing in my blogs. And you're thinking to yourself, "Isn't she a teacher???" I have two things to say to you:

1) I never swear in the classroom/in front of my students. I mean, even if I have slammed my finger in between the whiteboards with such force that it made me bleed and cry. Trust me. That shit hurts. a lot.

and

2) Fuck you.

If case you haven't heard, I have brain cancer, and so I have a #freepass.

I have been thinking about this, though. Because I really never (hardly) ever used curse words before.
I've always said that using expletives showed a lack of imagination...or vocabulary...or possibly, both. But I now feel that a well placed "fuck" or "mother fucker'" has just the right....how shall we say it?
(je ne sais quoi...) penache? in just the right circumstances.

My grandmother use to say (and now my mother says) that you can say "mother fucking" as long as you pronounce the g on the end: fuckingggg...like a "lady".

But what they fail(ed) to understand is that I am not  a Lady Brain Cancer Fighting Ninja Warrior. I'm a Mother Fuckin' Brain Cancer Fighting Ninja Warrior...I'm a thug, I've got swagger for days, and you definitely wouldn't want to run into me alone in a dark alley.  I'll fuck you up (if you are brain cancer cells).

Otherwise, I will probably leave you alone. Unless you are being douchey. (See, people have a hard time with that word, too. But I feel like it perfectly captures a certain type a person. Hey, it's even in the Oxford Dictionary. If you don't believe me, google that shit. Then, just for fun, try google images and search "douchey". You'll laugh out loud. Seriously. I'm still giggling.)

So, you don't think I "sound like a lady"?  Boo-fuckin'-hoo. Does a lady look like this?

I don't look like this either, but I feel like this when I'm in radiation treatment. Mother Fuckers!

Mostly, I curse because it feels empowering...it gives me strength. It gives a voice to my anger and confusion and rage because ...

I have fuckin' brain cancer.
I have fuckin' cancer cells growing in my brain, and I think if I only said, "Umm... excuse me....I don't mean to bother you, but...Please get out," they probably wouldn't listen.
I don't think "please" is their magic word.

so I really couldn't give a fuck if you think the words I'm saying are "inappropriate" or "unladylike".
#sorrynotsorry