The One in Which I Talk About Being the Queen of the Iron Stomach

I do not throw up...

STOP! No, no, no!

Please, don't click to leave the screen! Don't you trust me by now to have a point when I say seemingly inappropriate things?? There's a point to all this, but you have to keep reading to find out.

As I as saying, I pride myself on having "an iron stomach". I don't know why. I have an extreme aversion to vomiting - and I'll use every bit of my will to stop it from happening, no matter how much I feel like I need to. I think I deserve a crown and a title for this, no?

The real one, I want made out of gold and precious stones, of course. This is just a rough idea of what it would like.

 In fact, I have only two real memories of throwing up - The first one is a kind of cute one actually.

Kiddies: Way back when, in the 60's, when I was a little tyke, there were no dvds, no digital t.v. recorder, and not even any VHS tapes! So, when you wanted to watch your favorite show, you had to wait until it was actually being broadcast on t.v. And if you missed you, you missed it. I know! Hard to believe!
 

Well, it was nearing Christmas time and my favorite, favorite, favorite Christmas special was on that night, "The Grinch Who Stole Christmas" (the original, obvi!)

I love that dog!

My mom had made my favorite dinner, lasagna (so, I might have overindulged in that?) but I remember the beginning of the show being introduced on our t.v. as I was dressed in a flannel nightgown and grabbed our huge, green throw pillow and plopped myself on the living room floor on my stomach and settled for the BEST show! Only within five minutes,without warning, I threw up all over that pillow! (Remember, t.v.'s could not be paused at that time!)  To her credit, my mom didn't seem upset as she cleaned me and everything up...in fact, I remember she giggled a little bit - seeing the humor in it all. She's still a sport! Thanks, Mom!

The second memory... involves shots of liquor and a good friend that held my hair back from the toilet. (Thanks, Allison!) But I really don't remember it. So, it doesn't count, right?

I hereby decree that I retain my title as Queen Iron Stomach! 

<Trumpets blare>

That's why when I began my post-surgery treatment for my GBM, my radiologist and oncologist prescribed two kinds of anti-nausea medications, I thought, I won't need these... (Reminder: my treatment was: 30 days of chemo (Temodar)- 7 days a week, and 30 sessions of radiation, concurrently, M-F) The radiation technicians always asked me how I was feeling, and they were amazed when I told them, no. I was fine. A little ginger tea and being careful what I ate was enough to combat the queasiness. I did have fatigue at times, but I listened to my body  - I napped pretty much every day, but tried to take walks - long or short pretty much daily. My doctors were very pleased with how well I was handling the treatments, too. Yay!

After my little rest from the initial treatment and my January MRI, I began the next step in my treatment: Temodar - 5 days on/23 days off as a cycle. Temodar is the same chemo that I took during the whole initial treatment, albeit in a smaller dose. It's a pill form that I take at home right before bedtime, so I (hopefully) sleep through the worst of the nausea. What nausea? Oh, that's right. They neglected to mention that I was going to have a MUCH larger dose of chemo now. In fact, after the ramping month in January, February and March's dosages are TWICE what I was going during radiation. ZOINKS!!! (Okay, I have brain cancer. They probably told me, but I just don't remember.) #freepass

In March (the first month of the new dosage), Day 1, 2, and 3 are okay...Ginger tea, ginger this, ginger that...okay. Day 4 March's cycle, I broke out that anti-nausea meds that they had prescribed way back when. I took it right before I went to bed. Who knows if it made a difference? By Day 5, I surrendered to my bed. I figured if I was able to fall asleep, my body needed rest  - and it had the added plus of making me unconscious to the very real, very intense nausea I was feeling. Day 6 (the day after my last chemo pill), I felt pretty much the same way, and then I slowly started to bounce back.

As I've just written about in my blog, I was in France almost the whole first two weeks of April, so they postponed the Temodar cycle by a little bit. Again, Day 1, 2, and 3, were okay. I was using the anti-nausea meds every night. I don't know if it was because I was jet lagged or that I was unable to really sustain my VERY healthy diet I have here, but this cycle kicked my ASS! I don't know if I should be allowed to retain my Queen of Iron Stomachs crown because I stayed in bed or on the sofa, buried in blankets for two days straight. I never threw up, though? The worst feeling is that you are so sick you can't eat anything and that makes you more sick...

STOP! No, no, no! 

"The worst feeling". Really? Really, June?!?!

Let me try to redeem myself from this lame statement above....
I've got a strategy to help me through my challenging times: 1) I try to learn from my mistakes. I try to keep track of what I've done and the results. Makes sense, no?
2) I delve into the standard practice of thinking about: "It could always be worse..."

When I first returned from France, I binge watched HBO's "Band of Brothers" because I was so interested after visiting Normandy. During the last couple days, I've watched "The Pacific", which the companion series about the American assault in the "Eastern Theater" during WWII. [Picture me with headphones and my ipad, wrapped a gazillion blankets.] In a strange, twisted way, it reminded me that I had better quit my whining - that what those guys went through...Let's just say that I'm not going to earn any medals of honor for feeling like I want to throw up a lot but not.
(But I'm keeping my imaginary crown!)

I also read a lot of blogs and webpages about other people who are living with cancer. And it's a guarantee that everyday, I read about someone who reminds me "It could be worse..."Like Valiant Vito, who (and his mom) inspire me every day.

What I'm facing is nothing compared to what they faced. There are some similarities, I would argue, though. We're all scared sometimes. And we all have to figure out how to keep our heads down and keep going. And the acceptance of the randomness of it all... Sometimes life is so damn random.

I didn't write this blog entry to have you all say, "Sorry, June, that you are going through a tough time." or "I'm sorry you're not feeling good." I'm not fishing for sympathy. Promise!

I try to make my blog about giving some window into the world of someone living with cancer. And if you are someone living with cancer, I hope you take away some feeling that you're not alone. We are just warriors trying to keep our heads down and keep going. We can do this!

And to make sure I retain my crown of course.