The One in Which We are Untethered Out from Land

When I was young, I sometimes thought that I was a little playing piece in a humongous world/game and the inhabitants of that world would watch my life and make changes to my destiny, just to see how I would react ...and this was WAYYYY before the movie Truman Show was written and produced, so I would say someone ripped me off and demand royalties or something...but I think many of us had that idea. In fact, I vaguely remember reading and talking about this phenomenon in a philosophy class in college. I think it has an actual name and shit...anyway....I kinda feel like that way lately. Well, let's look at my recent Recurrence that followed a wonderful series of events. <--- click here if you missed that one. But if you want the cliff notes version: blah blah blah...all these wonderful series of events happened and then WHAMMO! after a MRI, I found out my disease was progressing. It was almost like someone was playing with me or something.

This past week, I had another lovely series of events also [not to be ocnfused with the young adult novel Series of Unfortunate Events - that is defnitely NOT a bunch  of lovely series of events. (Talk about truth in advertising!) By the way, I strongly recommend that series for your kids, between about 10 -14 , but it's bleak and dark at times in a Roald Dahl-ish sort of way.)

ANYWAY, my last week had a series of some lovely, lovely bits in it. So many, that I can't even write them all, but for example:
some of our SKW Winery Friends & Family Circle generously offered for us to stay at their beach get-away, where Schmoopy and I were able to stay for  a night and walk along the Pacific Ocean,

Walking to the beach.Not to worry. The temperature was gorgeous, but I'm always a little cold.

hand-in-hand, and, watch the waves crash on the shoreline as a few (crazy) spring breakers actual dipped in that f-f-f-reeeeezing water. {Kiddies: a little lesson: Pacific Ocean - cold,umm....pretty much all the time and Atlantic Ocean - warm and swimmable in March] When we reached the end of our walking trail, Steven exclaimed, "I think this is Rio Del Mar Beach! My grandparents owned a shop right here....called Pixie Plaza...Right about....THERE!" And there was the place, name changed to Pixie Deli, but still kind of a kick, don'tcha think?

That's a good little bit, right?

That weekend, I had my 5K Run, which I have also written about and you can read more about it here<--- or cliff notes version: I felt AWESOME, participating in my first run/race since my diagnosis 19+ month ago!

I've run marathons, half-marathons, 10K's, but this one kicked ass! It was only 3.1 miles, but it was a big "FUCK YOU< CANCER!" that felt so goooooood!

This was some joyous bits right there!

Sunday, most of my kids were be able to drop by on Sunday morning, April was able to make it with our granddaughter, Autumn. What a treat! 

Cuteness alert: Autumn is walking to Grandpa..or....

 and ...a different configuration of our family,  but still would probably be almost a "quorum" dropped by last night for dinner. Happy, Happy, Joy! Joy!

Sun, and vino, and a walk through the vineyard.

I'll stop posting pictures because it would be obnoxious to go and go on...and you've got the point already. This past week was filled with so many "Joyous Bits" and then....

Monday was my visit with UCSF Day, including the first MRI since I've started my new clinical trial.Fasting blood draw (put in the IV then in anticipation of coming back for my infusion, assuming the Dr. gave the okay), MRI, blah, blah, blah, Doctor's visit to review the MRI scan and blood results.

THWUMP! <---Ninja being punched in the stomach again. The words we wanted to hear: "stable" was not uttered. Instead, we heard "progression of disease" and "recurrence". Due to that, I am no longer in the trial.

Some of you may wonder where the "Out from Land" moniker came to our homestead from Steven. It comes from an Emily Dickenson poem:

Exultation is the going

Of an inland soul to sea

Past the houses, past the headlands

Into deep eternity!

Bred as we, among the mountains

Can the sailor understand

The divine intoxication

Of the first league out from land?

― Emily Dickinson

(You'll have to ask the Lit. major for all his connections and meaning.)

When I think about it...I try to visualize us on a ship and picture us looking out at the green, green hills and valleys of vines....like an ocean. If you gaze to the horizon, you can see the sunrise and sunset, but it's magical to be surrounded in this space. Am I lost? Am I lonely? No. There's the horizon and all that between leading us there. And yet we're untethered at the moment.

Maybe you askAm I okay right now? I don't know where we're going next. We have a lot of research and talking,  thinking to do. 

Picture me on the deck of that ship  Listening to the water lap "thwap" thwap" "thwap" against the hull of the ship .- looking out into the horizon for those "joyous bits" in this series of events they call LIFE.

P.S. If there really IS a humongous world where somebody is playing me like I'm a game piece...move on to something new, okay?