But after a week of treatment, I'm starting to settle in and figure out how it all works.
First of all, when they call you to the radiology room, they make you say aloud (to confirm):
1) your name,
2) birthdate, and
3) "what they are treating"
And it's all right on the screen in front of you. So, I basically have given you the secret pass if you ever want to slip in and have some radiology treatment done. it's kind of like a spa treatment. That's what the nurse said to me before I started. (Helpful tip: Unlike me, that nurse is a pathological liar.) Hey, but whatever floats your boat. You now have the keys to the castle if you are interested.
I have no problem with the name and birth-date thingy, but I have stumbled with the "what are they treating" question. Is it the head? Or the brain? Or the mother fucking cancer cells? Or "cranium-threatening bastard thugs" inside my head/brain? The radiology technicians never seem as amused as me at my attempts to be accurate. To their credit, they play along nicely, though.
And they are very tolerant of my music choices. You see, we're allowed to bring our own music to stream into the room. Only it's not very private because headphones would definitely not compatible with the whole zappity-zapping radiology thing going on around my had. So, it's piped in from a playlist on my phone.
I get the distinct impression that my music choices are not the "norm" for them. I guess a lot of people prefer zen-like, peaceful stuff that makes me think of people in expensive yoga clothes and who smell like patchouli oil (not that there's anything wrong with that....) Or very sweet, elderly ladies who probably request classical or Sinatra or something.
I will say that I am very considerate and download the "clean" versions of songs as much as possible.
But what feels right to me is to fight. with every ounce of my being. Dig down deep and channel my inner Ninja Warrior. And my Ninja Warrior is not thinking about waterfalls and lollypops and rainbows or ring-a-ding-ding! My Ninja Warrior is thinking about fucking some shit up.
No, that's not exactly right. My Ninja Warrior is not thinking about hate, but POWER. I want to feel the power - MY POWER -coursing through my veins from the tip of the toes to my curly topped head. My Ninja Warrior is saying "Raaawwwwrrr, Mother Fucker!!!" not "meow."
Today, for some reason, I was thinking about how I've been a Ninja Warrior all along. There were signs early on.So, today I used music to call on my Ninja Warrior spirit from days gone by...
Today, I was channeling that girl that got <eh hem> "detained" by the police for painting "U.S Out of El Salvador" on the High School wall...in weather-beater paint, no less.
(If you don't know what I'm talking about, kiddies, need I say it? Google that shit.)
Today, I was channeling the girl who cut her own hair in college and double pierced her own ear...
Who woke up sweaty and bruised from a night of diving into a mosh pit at a punk club....
I was channeling the girl who went to a freshman dorm "Kink or Pink" Party (where all the girls dressed in cute pink outfits - DUH) dressed in a black dance unitard and carrying a bent hanger.
[Sorry! No pictures of that one!]
But Bonus Side Note: I believe that was the first time Steven walked me back to my dorm room and attempted to kiss me. But I closed the door in his face. Imagine how the story would have been different if I hadn't? It's definitely some Butterfly Effect kind of shit, no?
Today, I was channeling the raw, undeniable power of Young June/The Outlier, who has always been a Mother Fucking Ninja Warrior! And today this Ninja Warrior needed powerful music.
I came up with a whole playlist, but for some reason, this song captured the spirit of the day. It's not what they are saying, but the essence. Today, I didn't want peace. I wanted to feel power. Drop to your knees kind of POWER.
